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Untamed Loquaciousness

This always happens. Blogging takes a backseat and as I plot each day to give word to my tumultuous mind, something else takes over and before I know it, there’s a veritable truckload of random-ness to feed to the cyber-world.

So here goes (in no particular order):

1. One month from now, right at this time I will be in LoneTree. That thought makes me dizzy with excitement and sick to my stomach in terror.

2. Hell hath no fury like a woman Lupron-ed. Doubt it? Call my husband.

3. This Friday it’s my left eye’s turn to get laser-zapped. Right eye tolerated said zap-ness admirably well but not before some truly fat tears were shed in anticipatory nervousness.

4. My eyes still remain very, very dry. Since I’m about to add another cocktail of hormones to my daily diet, can only imagine how poor eyes are going to take it. Sometimes I make myself yawn just to get some moisture in my poor eyes!

5. I rub my eyes excessively and tend to stare a lot nowadays as a result of the dryness. Probably explains why I got shifty looks from folks at the mall this past weekend.

6. I’ve injured my left arm/ shoulder from yoga. It now bears the honorable badge of a frozen shoulder or a torn rotator cuff. It is b.l.o.o.d.y painful, especially at night. Don’t get to sleep much.

7. No sleep + point no. 2 = go figure!

8. I spend an inordinate amount of time doing hot/cold compresses for my shoulder and warm compresses for my eyes. And arm stretches. And eyelid scrubs. Eye drops. Muscle rubs. Add chiropractic treatment and acupuncture to this and voila! watch my day poof away into oblivion.

9. PhD dissertation? What’s that?

10. I’ve come to the conclusion that after three years of my reproductive organs hogging the limelight, my other body parts are now playing a crazy competitive game of ‘let’s show her who’s boss’.

11. On my daily walks (no yoga remember?!) in the past week I have discovered a decapitated doll, a yellow toy teacup (so Tim Burton, no?), tons of luscious spring flowers, a house numbered ‘one ohh ohh one’, the pleasure of swaying on the swing with eyes shut and the cutest doggy with a mournful expression who I always find peeking out of the blinds from his house.

12. I’ve been trying to meditate every night for almost a month. My mind just does not know how to shut the heck up.

13. I get craazzaaayyyy dreams. Like you might stop reading this blog if I put them down. They are scary, graphic and often wake me up in tears.

14. I miss India A LOT. In the past 3 years I’ve spent only four weeks there 😦 Thankfully, I spent good time with my parents and my brother this past year so at least that’s nice. Still, I miss my friends, I miss ‘home’, I miss the food, the craziness, the shopping… everything.

15. Despite 14. above, if I cannot go to India for the next couple years because of ‘the right reasons’, I will be the happiest soul ever!

16. I am so, so bored of food and of cooking. I’ve been cooking a lot and we go out often but nothing seems to hit the spot. What I truly crave is spicy konkani seafood. Perhaps I should try cooking some?

17. I need to go do my cold compress thing.

18. Hope you all are having a brilliant week!

19. Ta!

20. Yea, yea I’m going.

21. No really…

22. Okay, here I go

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It’s getting hot in herre!!

Poor Nelly. Little did he know that his chart-buster would make such an apt Lupron anthem! That is, until you get to the lyrics. The steaminess oozing from that song has about as much in common with a lupron-induced menopause as does a Himalayan yak with a chessboard.

Tomorrow, I will take my second (and hopefully last ever) Depot-Lupron injection. While my symptoms haven’t been as rabid as I expected them to be, I look forward to saying goodbye to killer headaches and those ridiculous hot flashes. One moment I’ll be the picture of serenity sitting with some friends over dinner and the very next moment I look like someone who’s just emerged from a Bikram Yoga class. And then there’s the morning fatigue. I don’t know if this is a common side effect or not but for the past month getting out of bed in the morning has held about as much appeal as the thought of skinny dipping in sub-zero weather. Once I’m up and about, though, it’s all good.

Of course, as far as K is concerned, there’s just one side effect of Lupron. It’s kindly titled ‘the return of the psycho shrew’. We’ve been squabbling like a pair of newly-weds over just about everything. All it takes is for me to discover some shaving gel on the bath counter or for him to say something like ‘babe you never keep my water bottle filled’ and it’s like I morph into a crazy, fishwife version of myself complete with door-slamming, yelling and full-on histrionics thrown in for good measure. The poor man sits silently while the gale storm that is his wife exhausts her fury and finally subsides into intermittent sobs. I swear (s.w.e.a.r) it’s the medicine making me cuckoo. It’s like I can observe it happening the way you would observe a chem-lab experiment go horribly wrong. I’m helpless though to control it. It’s exhausting, not just for K but for me too!

On a different note, I’ve been going for yoga pretty regularly. My new-found love affair with yoga is pretty ironic considering how inflexible I am. The good thing about my yoga studio is that it gets all types of people (and not just crazy fit LA types clad in second-skin spandex doing downward dog with all the agility of a bendy straw) so I don’t feel quite at sea when I’m unable to hold on to my heels with both hands while my body is bent and head is thrown backwards in camel!

My eyes continue to feel vacuum cleaned. I went back to my eye doctor and he still insists on a gentler approach. I’ve had no luck getting him to prescribe me something stronger but he has agreed to try out his patented non-medicated dry eye treatment (he’s a dry eye specialist) with me, starting tomorrow! I couldn’t be more excited. My eyes have felt so sore and so tired; I’m ready to start feeling better!

Exactly 7 weeks left until transfer. Time is crawling by and yet, I know, the day will be here soon enough and that makes me sick with excitement and nervousness!