Life between ultrasounds

Disclaimer: this post is about pregnancy and the stuff that goes along with it. Please feel free to not read beyond this point if it bothers you. I know that when I was TTC, the last thing I wanted to read about was someone whining about their pregnancy symptoms. My intention is not to hurt any one of you, nor is it to exhibit my inner brat. It’s been a challenging few days and I’m just chronicling that here. I continue to pray for each and every one of you and nothing would give me greater happiness than to see you all become mommies!

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When there’s too much to say, bullet points it is:

1. I’ve been trying to finish this post since forever. There are many reasons why it has stayed unfinished, listed here in no particular order

(i) I get overcome by nausea/ held up by puking

(ii) I am so tired I can only imagine my fingers typing on the keyboard

(iii) I begin to write about my nausea and it makes me gag

(iv) I start feeling anxious about my pregnancy and I wonder whether I should be blogging about it at all

(v) I feel like I have so much to say and don’t know where to start

(vi) I feel like I lack the ability to articulate what I’m really feeling

(vii) See (i)

2. My nausea started in full force at 5 1/2 weeks. The night before my first ultrasound (6.5 weeks) I threw up for the first time. The next two weeks were agony. I was in constant discomfort, gagging, dry heaving or puking. I was still (amazingly enough) eating a fair bit but the nausea was non-stop. It was like a crazy force within me kept urging me to eat, eat and eat. My doc started me on diclegis, upping it to 3 a day but all it did was help me sleep through the night.

3. (THIS IS SERIOUS TMI, SO CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED!!) Around the 8 week mark my doc took pity on me and prescribed Zofran. One pill in and the nausea reduced. The puking almost stopped. Well, so did everything else. The medicine completely and absolutely shut down my system… never have I experienced such severe constipation. I have been eating like a starving castaway just back from a deserted island but it just all sits there. I cried to my doc; he asked me to take an enema. Poor K didn’t know which one to get so he got the mineral oil type. Bad mistake. It did nothing except make me feel utterly grossed out. I called and cried to doc again. He asked me to repeat it. No dice. Off we went to the ER. One shot of lactulose and there was some movement. Then it was strike time again. Thanks to the lovely ladies on my FB board, I finally caved in and upped my fluids intake and started taking daily miralax. It seems to have finally started working a bit. Fingers crossed. The things I pray for nowadays!

4. In prepping to become a mommy I think for some time I, amusingly enough, reverted to being a baby myself. I could only eat mushy foods, threw up whatever didn’t agree with my tummy, moaned and wailed a lot and my bowel movements were the highlight of our daily conversations. The only thing that has changed in all this is that I am eating much more diversely and I’ve stopped wailing quite as much.

5. Our next ultrasound is this coming week. At the 8 week u/s baby was measuring 8w1d on 8w3d (which is consistent with the first u/s) and had a heartbeat of 171 bpm. CCRM was happy with the measurements. I hope baby continues to grow strongly and I worry incessantly before every ultrasound.

6. I confess I still haven’t fully absorbed the reality of being pregnant. I remain cautious and in constant ‘watching over the shoulder’ mode. I don’t know if this will change. It doesn’t, however, take away from how incredibly thankful I feel on an everyday, every moment basis.

7. In the not-so-long-time that we’ve been married, I’ve come to know, appreciate and cherish what a wonderful human being my husband is. 3 years of IF struggles only brought us closer and strengthened the love and respect we have for each other. But this pregnancy has shown me like nothing before how incredibly patient, giving and loving he really is. I haven’t been able to even enter the kitchen, let alone cook for the past 1.5 months and he has juggled bringing me meals, going to office, taking me for my appointments and much, much more with no complaints. He also tolerates my sudden flareups with amazing grace. He rubs my back gently when I have trouble digesting my food, holds my hand when I sit up in bed at night, overcome by nausea and wakes me up every single day with a smile, a hug and my currently favorite breakfast–cucumber slices with gluten free bread! I thank God every day for blessing me with the companionship of this wonderful human being. Makes the several crappy years before I met him so, so worth it!

8. I’m addicted to food. I eat and about an hour later my body has no memory of having eaten. Everything I eat tends to disappear somewhere within the confines of my newly bottomless tummy. Sometimes I wonder how much weight I’ll end up putting on at this rate. I was a skinny 95 pounder when we began so a little bit of weight won’t hurt I suppose!

9. I have boobs! Overnight they went from the ‘blink and you’ll miss it’ variety to the ‘omg look who’s got boobies’ type. No complaints here! Me likey 🙂

10. There’s some real nice stuff happening on the blogs lately. It really warms my heart. I continue praying for my blogger friends who are still struggling and I know that soon enough they will all be on the other side. That will be one heck of a wonderful feeling.

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13 thoughts on “Life between ultrasounds

  1. You have a right to report everything …but I have to say…boy is it worth it. I’m still nauseous from all the hormones Ive taken thru two years of trying non stop…still heartbroken and dizzy when a cycle is cancelled from some silly number…still complaining that I am too young…and when I see you’ve made it to the other side…it makes me so happy for you..and gives me a glimmer of hope….I’m sorry you’re sick…I really am….but that will be a distant memory soon! THANKYOU for still caring about us still fighting the battle…and keep posting…we all appreciate your honesty. I Just arrived at CCRM …well the hotel an hour ago…after a very long drive in traffic alone…it’s my seventh trip. Good luck is needed…and you complain all you want!! But do it with joy in your heart. I know you do.

    • Thank you so much! I know the heartbreak and the disappointment and I’m praying fiercely that it become a distant memory for you so very soon. And yes you’re very right, it’s more than worth it and I’m only too aware of all it took to get here and therefore how precious this is. I wish you every bit of luck with this cycle and know that I’ll be praying for you with every fiber of my being. Much love

  2. Hey, high-five for you kicking ass at being pregnant! My nausea at 5w3d is foreshadowing of some difficult weeks to come. FYI, as a person with bowel issues (big one being constipation) I suggest milk of magnesia (the liquid not the pills) because it’s a stool softener and that is preferible to laxatives–it literally liquifies whatever is in your intestines (a big swig). However I can’t imagine choking that down right now *gag*. I’m taking magnesium citrate and that works too and can be taken in capsules. I drink Reed’s ginger beer after eating (or whenever I feel queasy) and it seems to help me a lot. XOXO

    • Haha dunno if I’m kicking ass or getting mine kicked! Every time I’m puking my guts out I tell myself this is baby’s way of saying ‘hey mom, whats up!’ and it doesn’t seem so miserable anymore!
      My OB also recommended milk of mag if miralax isn’t doing its job. I’ve always had a tough time swallowing that stuff even when I wasn’t gagging 24/7 but heck if it’s gonna help I’m going to take it somehow. Thanks for the tip! Hope you’re feeling great!

  3. I’m so happy to see this update! I’m so sorry you’ve been feeling so awful though! I hope the nausea gets better soon once you start the second trimester. Sending you prayers that all is well at your next scan! I completely empathize with your fear before every appointment. I’m still feeling so much fear too. We just have to keep taking it one day at a time and hopefully we’ll feel better once our little ones start moving and we can get that constant reassurance 🙂 Hugs ❤

    • Thank you so much! And yes, I’m totally with you on the ‘taking it one day at a time’ philosophy–it’s kept me (semi) sane so far and hopefully will continue to. You’re always in my prayers too… hope next scan also goes brilliantly well! xo

  4. OMG your posts crack me up…I think we may get along well in real life 🙂 Glad everything is going well as far as the pregnancy goes, though I am sorry it is this uncomfortable for you. If any of these symptoms would go over, it would probably cause a major case of the freak-outs, so it is dammed if you do and dammed if you don’t sort of situation.

    Waiting for you to cross the 12 week mark so you can breathe a bit easier, and also not be freaked out by some of these things subsiding and the pregnancy getting a lot more comfortable.

    Your husband sounds like an absolutely wonderful person BTW 🙂

    • Aww thank you!! I’m taking it one day at a time… helps keep a measure of sanity! You’re so right though… When I’m puking I’m miserable but when I’m not I’m driving myself crazy wondering why I’m not!! Hope little G is doing great… big hugs for her :))

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