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Rewind…

I know for anyone reading a fertility blog it is always a matter of curiosity as to what condition(s) the blog writer is dealing with. So here’s my glittering track record ๐Ÿ™‚

Me: 35, Endo, Low AMH, DOR, slightly elevated immunology

DH: 38, Very low morphology, otherwise healthy

Dec 2005–Dx with ovarian cysts, advised to operate. Took BCP for a year, cysts disappeared!

Dec 2010–Got married โค

July 2011–decided to start trying for baby. First doc appt. told have huge fibroid in uterus (8cm), advised immediate surgery. Total freakout, in denial for 6 months.

Sept-Nov 2011: try naturally with ovulation trigger (HCG). BFN

Dec 2011: 1st IUI (natural). BFN.

Jan 2012: Laparoscopic myomectomy. Fibroid successful removed, slight blockage indicated in left tube. Advised to hold off ttc for 3 months. Start acupuncture.

April 2012: Move to Bay Area. New RE. Dx with PCOS, endo, IR. Put on metformin 1000mg/ daily, several supplements, asked to walk after each meal, yoga, acupuncture etc. Resume ttc. BFP on first try!! Ecstatic!!

May 2012: 1st u/s shows nothing. HCG plateaus. Suspected ectopic. D&C w/ methotrexate. Devastated ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

June 2012: frozen labs confirm uterine pregnancy aka regular miscarriage not ectopic. Thank God!

July 2012: Rubella shot, cannot try this month

Aug 2012: BFN

Sept 2012: 2nd natural IUI. Everything looks great but BFFN! Plus, suspected OHSS from HCG shot later revised to possible endo flare-up. Left ovary enlarges and stays enlarged for 2 months. In extreme pain. Emergency surgery advised.

Nov 2012: Left ovary finally starts shrinking.

Dec 2012: Hawaii!! BFN though ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

Jan 2013: BFN. Start looking for IVF options.

Feb 2013: Anastrozole + BCP + Doxy to try shrink endo. India vacation = family time ๐Ÿ™‚

March 2013: Decide on Dr. Zouves for IVF. Advised surgery for left side hyrdosalpinx. Dx with low AMH (0.48), slightly elevated immunology: blood clotting antibodies + TH1/ cytokines. Rx: baby aspirin, Lovenox at time of transfer and 2 intra-lipid infusions before and after ER.

April 2013: Laparoscopy to clip left tube and remove surface endo. Surgery successful.

May 2013: IVF # 1 w. Dr. Zouves. Antagonist protocol. 9 follies, 7 eggs retrieved, 5 mature, 3 make it to day 6 blasts. All chromosomally abnormal. FET canceled. Advised donor eggs. Shattered, completely shattered.

June 2013: BFN (although tried only one day)

July 2013: onwards to exploring new options.

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Another missed date with fate!

So, early today morning at 14 dpo, I got the dreaded AF back in full flow. While I had promised myself that I would not go stark, raving obssessive over each and every symptom during my TWW, I must admit there were occasional lapses where my itchy fingers sought out http://www.twoweekwait.com/bfp-after-miscarriage and of course there were the random symptom searches (7 dpo–itchy eyes?, 10 dpo–crazy dreams?… btw what the %$#@ are ‘vivid’ dreams since everyone and her first cousin seems to be having them only to result in much coveted BFPs… what is it that they’re dreaming about that I can’t get my stupid brain cells to conjure up??!!).

Anyhow, so well… August was not to be. The ceremonial shedding of tears happened right on cue after a peeing trip at 7am revealed the enemy to be back! Poor spouse did much back-rubbing, whispering soothing assurances and trying his best to get me out of the post BFN funk I find myself in at the end of every month but the tears wouldn’t stop. The pity fest lasted for a mere 2 hours though, followed by a back-to-back appearance of Lady Rage. Much ranting and shaking of mutinous fists later, there was a lull. It was almost 11.15 am and I had refused to emerge from the shadowy confines of my bed. But there was the matter of a straining bladder and a grumbling stomach. Hubby had left for work, promising to be back soon to check on me. Thus it was that I dragged myself out somehow, my anger, hurt & despair trailing behind me and grudgingly got some breakfast together.

Onwards to the next cycle. We are thinking of doing an IUI this time provided we can get our vacationing RE to fit us into his crazy schedule (he’s booked till the end of September!). Fingers crossed!