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Yellow, not green!

We finally had our much anticipated regroup with Dr S today. It went by pretty quick and was sort of anti-climactical. I mean I obviously knew, basis the test results, what he was likely to say but somewhere our last failure has left me so wary I was prepared for the worst.

He started by discussing our test results and I believe he mentioned the word ‘good’ when describing my ovarian reserve even though my FSH is borderline high (10.3) and my AMH is below what they consider normal for my age at about 1.4-1.5 (mine’s 1.3). APA testing revealed only one slight elevation on the IgM (mine was 13, normal’s <11) so he said I did not need any blood thinners (interestingly this is something he told us on our first phone consult itself without any testing!)… phew! Uterine x-ray showed an AFC of 13 and normal blood flow to ovaries all of which is good. DH’s numbers also look good with his motility at 55% even though morphology is low at 2% (he did remind us that they use very strict criteria so, with 4% being the normal, this wasn’t too shabby). His sperm DNA fragmentation results will still take another week or so to come in.

So, he is sticking with his earlier prognosis and his recommended protocol for me is

****drumroll****

EPP–Estrogen Priming Protocol

He also wants to add in a growth hormone (saizen??) and probably an antagonist to prevent premature ovulation. He thinks we should wait on taking a call whether to do embryo banking or not depending on how the ER goes. Anything above 6 eggs and we should not need to bank, according to him.

We asked him a few questions which he patiently answered. He will be using a double trigger for me (HCG/ Lupron) and closely monitoring estrogen levels even though I am unlikely to hyperstimulate. When I asked him how I can improve egg quality he asked me if I was taking the supplements prescribed by them and I said no, I am taking then of my own accord. He told me to ask my nurse for a list and then hung up with the promise that a nurse would contact us soon to discuss scheduling.

So, from the above, it would seem that this went pretty well, right? Well, perhaps its the exhaustion from last evening’s yoga class but truth is, I don’t feel too spirited somehow. Perhaps because I am still, somewhere in the back of my mind, coming from a DE perspective whereas he was pretty clear right from the get go that I should try again with my own eggs. Perhaps because I was anticipating getting rejected by them basis my AMH (which had been much lower at 0.48) and my FSH (which I had never tested before). Or perhaps because I just don’t trust my luck anymore! I kept asking K whether he thought we’re in and he said of course silly girl, this is it; we will be cycling at CCRM.

Really?

All I could think about was one strange comment Dr S made–something about this being a yellow light, as opposed to a red one. Why not green, my mind asked? I categorically asked him if there was any further testing to be done or any issues to resolve before we could start and he said no, it all looks good. Then why yellow? K reasoned with me saying that he is probably meant that about the whole process, especially since we made no chromosomally normal embryos last time. He’s probably right. Perhaps I am just being silly and over-thinking things (surprise surprise!).

The nurse is yet to call. I hope she gets in touch with us soon. I need to see my calendar to believe this is real!

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Tick tock…

It’s been a good weekend. Yesterday was shopping at the farmers market followed by BBQ at my brother’s place in the evening and today was seafood lunch with friends, grocery shopping and a saunter through the mall. Tried my hand at making some Thai gai pad krapow but it didn’t quite tickle the taste-buds as much as the restaurant version usually does! Oh well, next time maybe.

We’re both feeling a bit on edge, though, with our regroup appointment with Dr S coming up on Tuesday. I am anxious to know what he has to say (there should be absolutely no reason why they would not let us try with our own eggs but I want to hear it from him) and also when we can start. There’s a part of me that is undeniably excited and hopeful that things will work out this time and yet there’s another part that is quite simply terrified. This whole IVF process is so fraught with the fragility that hope instills in us -hanging on to every day all the time hoping, hoping, hoping that things will turn out right. The hope that there will be enough follicles, that they will mature at the right pace, that  they will result in mature eggs which will all hopefully fertilize and that finally they will create perfect day 5 blasts that will be chromosomally normal. It’s a crazy roller coaster and the cocktail of hormones just makes the ride that much more precipitous.

Plus, this time there will also be the additional stress of travel which I am quite nervous about. It was another thing to get injected in the secure confines of my home while sticking to my daily routine and it will be quite a different matter, altogether, to do the same thing in a hotel room in Colorado with nothing really to distract us! Anyhow, fact is I am grateful to have a chance to cycle at CCRM and I’m going to keep that in mind anytime I feel the stress levels begin to rise.

Fingers crossed for Tuesday!